Back-to-School After Divorce: 8 Things Parents Should Review Once the School Year Starts
The first few weeks of a new school year can be hectic for just about any family. New schedules are taking shape, practices and activities are underway, school forms have been submitted, and families are settling into a new daily routine.
For parents who are divorced, separated, or sharing custody, this transition can bring an additional set of challenges – and sometimes issues do not become apparent until the school year is already in motion.
Who handles school pickup on each day? Are both parents receiving important information from the school? What happens when an after-school activity overlaps with the other parent’s parenting time? And what if disagreements arise over school decisions, transportation, homework, or extracurricular activities?
Now that the school year is underway, it is a good opportunity for co-parents to take a closer look at what is working, what may need to be adjusted, and whether their current parenting arrangements clearly address the realities of the school schedule. Addressing potential issues early can help reduce conflict and confusion throughout the year while keeping the focus where it belongs: on your child’s education, activities, and well-being.
With that in mind, here are eight areas of your co-parenting arrangement worth reviewing as your family settles into the school year.
1. Review Your Custody and Parenting Agreement
Even if you have been following the same custody arrangement for some time, the time before the beginning of the school year is a good opportunity to review it, and make sure you’re prepared to uphold it.
Pay particular attention to provisions involving:
- Weekday and weekend parenting schedules
- Transportation and exchanges
- Holidays and school breaks
- Decision-making authority
- Extracurricular activities
- Childcare
- School attendance and enrollment
- Communication between parents
A schedule that worked well during the summer may feel very different once school, homework, sports, clubs, and other responsibilities begin again. Most importantly, do not rely solely on what you remember your custody agreement or court order saying. Review the actual document, particularly if a disagreement between parents is beginning to develop.
2. Understand Who Makes Educational Decisions
One area that can quickly become complicated is deciding where a child attends school or making other significant educational decisions.
In New York State, legal custody generally relates to a parent’s authority to make major decisions for a child, including decisions involving education. Depending on the custody arrangement, those decisions may be made jointly, or one parent may have sole or final decision-making authority.
Joint legal custody does not necessarily mean that either parent can make a major educational decision independently. If parents cannot agree on an important issue involving their child’s education, such as the school they will attend, the language of their existing agreement or court order becomes particularly important.
3. Make Sure the School Has Accurate Information
Schools should have current contact information for the people who need to receive important updates about a child.
Before the child’s school year begins, separated parents should confirm that the school has accurate information regarding:
- Parent and guardian contact information
- Emergency contacts
- Authorized pickup individuals
- Medical or allergy information
- Current addresses
- Any relevant custody documentation
Depending on the circumstances and the terms of a custody order, both parents may also be entitled to receive information about their child’s education and school progress. Parents should not assume the school’s records automatically reflect a recent divorce, separation, custody change, or new parenting arrangement. Updating that information early can help prevent an uncomfortable situation later; for you, your former spouse, and your child.
4. Talk About Transportation Before It Becomes a Problem
School transportation can become surprisingly complicated when children are regularly moving between two households.
One parent may live within walking distance of school while the other lives in another district. A bus route may only serve one address. Practices may end after a normal exchange time. A parent’s work schedule may make an afternoon pickup difficult.
It’s important to answer these questions ahead of time, rather than at 3:00 p.m. on a busy Tuesday, as well as having a plan for your child is anything changes last-minute.
Parents should understand who is responsible for getting the child to and from school on each day, as well as how transportation for practices, games, lessons, and other activities will be handled.
5. Discuss Extracurricular Activities
Sports, music lessons, clubs, tutoring, school plays, and other activities are an integral part of a child’s school experience. However, they can also be the source of many disagreements between co-parents.
Before enrolling a child in a significant new activity, it may be helpful to consider:
- Does the activity take place during both parents’ parenting time?
- Who will provide transportation?
- Who is responsible for the cost?
- Are there weekend practices or competitions?
- Will the activity interfere with the existing parenting schedule?
Your custody agreement may already address how extracurricular activities are selected or paid for. The goal should be to avoid placing the child in the middle of an adult disagreement over an activity they were excited to join.
6. Keeping Your Child Out of the Communication Chain
Children should not have to act as messengers between their parents.
“Tell your dad practice moved to 6.”
“Ask your mom if she can pick you up.”
“Make sure your other parent knows about the conference.”
Even when these requests seem harmless, relying on a child to pass information back and forth can create unnecessary stress on the child, and create misunderstanding very quickly.
Whenever possible, parents should communicate important school information directly with one another through whatever method works best for their situation, whether that is email, text, a shared calendar, a co-parenting application, or another agreed-upon method.
7. Think Ahead About School Breaks and Holidays
The first few weeks of school can feel far removed from Thanksgiving, winter recess, spring break, and the many “days off” in between! …and they always arrive quicker than we think!
Review the school calendar alongside your parenting schedule early in the year. School holidays do not always line up neatly with a normal weekly custody schedule, but your agreement may contain separate provisions for holidays and vacations.
Knowing the schedule ahead of time can make planning considerably easier for everyone involved.
8. Evaluate If Your Old Arrangement May No Longer Work
Children’s schedules change as they grow.
The parenting plan created when a child was five may not work nearly as well when that child is twelve and balancing schoolwork, sports, friendships, activities, and a more demanding academic schedule.
That does not mean a custody arrangement can simply be ignored or changed unilaterally.
However, if an existing arrangement has become impractical or circumstances have changed significantly, it may be worth speaking with a family law attorney about whether a modification should be considered.
When Back-to-School Disagreements Become Legal Issues
Most school-related disagreements between divorced parents can be resolved through proper communication and planning. Others may involve larger questions about custody, decision-making authority, parenting time, or compliance with an existing court order.
New York courts make custody determinations based on the best interests of the child. Schooling, stability, parenting arrangements, a child’s needs, and the ability of parents to work together may all become relevant depending on the particular circumstances. Every family is different, which is why the exact language of an existing custody agreement or court order matters.
Have Questions About Your Custody or Parenting Arrangement?
Back-to-school season should be about helping children begin the year feeling comfortable and prepared – not having sweeping disagreements about the plan you have in place.
If you have questions about an existing custody arrangement, are experiencing a disagreement involving your child’s education, parenting schedule, or believe your current agreement may need to be modified, the Matrimonial and Family Law attorneys at Tiveron Law can help you better understand your options.
Our attorneys regularly assist clients with custody and parenting time matters, modifications and enforcement of existing agreements and court orders, divorce, child support, and other family law concerns.
Contact Tiveron Law today to schedule a confidential consultation and discuss your individual situation.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Who decides where the child goes to school after a divorce?
It depends on your custody arrangement. Educational decisions are generally considered an important part of legal custody. If parents share legal custody, the agreement or court order may require them to make significant educational decisions together. In other situations, one parent may have sole or final decision-making authority. Always review the specific language of your custody order or agreement.
2. Can my ex change my child’s school without asking me?
Not necessarily. Whether one parent can make that decision depends on the legal custody provisions contained in your agreement or court order. If educational decisions must be made jointly, changing schools without the other parent’s agreement could create a legal issue.
3. Can both parents receive report cards and information from the school?
Often, both parents can have access to important educational information, but the circumstances and any applicable custody order matter. Parents should make sure the school has accurate contact information and ask the school how to receive notices, report cards, online portal access, and other communications.
4. Can both parents attend parent-teacher conferences and school events?
In many situations, yes, although the terms of a court order or particular circumstances may affect this. If communication between parents is difficult, arranging conference times directly with the school may help reduce confusion.
5. What happens if an extracurricular activity falls during the other parent’s parenting time?
Some agreements specifically address extracurricular activities, transportation, scheduling, and expenses. Parents should also consider whether enrolling a child in an activity would regularly interfere with the other parent’s scheduled parenting time before making the commitment.
6. Which parent pays for sports, school supplies, tutoring, and extracurricular activities?
There is no single answer that applies to every family. Your child support arrangement, divorce agreement, custody order, or other agreement may address certain educational or extracurricular expenses. If it does not, parents may need to reach an agreement about how those costs will be handled.
7. What if my child wants to change schools?
A child’s preference can be important, particularly as the child gets older, but the child does not automatically get to make the legal decision. The parents’ custody arrangement still controls who has educational decision-making authority. If the issue reaches court, the child’s wishes may be one of several factors considered depending on the child’s age and circumstances.
8. Can the school decide which parent is allowed to pick up my child?
Schools typically rely on the information provided by parents and any applicable custody or court orders. If there are specific restrictions involving pickup, access, or contact, parents should make sure the school has the appropriate documentation rather than assuming school personnel are already aware of it.
9. What if our current parenting schedule no longer works because of school?
Parents may sometimes agree to reasonable adjustments, but an informal change does not necessarily modify an existing court order. If the school schedule has created an ongoing problem or the family’s circumstances have significantly changed, speak with a family law attorney about whether a formal modification may be appropriate.